simply meeh…

i have come to realize that in a relationhip the lines above are not enough… it needs a lot of things… so much things… it’s true that love breaks all boundaries but at times it cannot withstand a strong wind….

some things are not enough to make it work… and a thing could be enough to break it…. all the good things and all the memories will be treasured forever…. the love will be here forever… all the bad memories will be gone forever…

you will never be forgotten.. you are such a special person who changed my life.. you made me a better person… u are not perfect but u are real… ill be here forever… i will love you forever…

Happy New Year everyone! Wow 2008 was a very fabolous and prosperous year for me.. I got my College diploma and Professional License this year.. I had a number of trainings and seminars attended.. I also had my first failure with regards to job seeking.. ahihi.. I could still remember how frustrated and angry I was at that time..hmm.. I also became part of our Grand Alumni Homecoming at OLOPSC.. I was able to meet my teachers way back in High School.. And the fun part I was one with them in organizing the activities.. Cool! I was not able to meet my barkada in high school but I’m still hoping to meet them soon.. I also made new friends from the Red Cross Rizal Chapter Marikina branch.. And the happiest part my family and Carl had numerous chances of talking.. ahihi…  2008 was a year full of mixed happenings in my life… There were a lot of successes and problems overcame..Grateful I was to experience all those things..There were things that I will miss with 2008.. I am and will still miss my UST family, the hassle of the review days, the nerve wracking experience of the Board exams, the “waiting in vain for the result”, the BUM experience, the Christmas season preparations.. harhar! I am hoping for a more fabulous year ahead of me, my family and my piglet.. eheheh.. Adios 2008 and Welcome 2009! I love you all.. =)

November 30, 2008.. I woke up late (as usual)… I had my unusual routine… I saw my brother surfing at the net… Then I saw pictures of familiar people… couples.. They look so happy indeed.. I saw a lot of pictures.. Then I opened my account and now typing anything I want.. Life is easy and tough. Easy to those people who wouldnt mind their’s lives’ directions or are just plain happy and contented with what they have.. Tough to those who always think what is to be done.. Worry is a thing we must avoid but I found it inevitable in my life.. Since I was a kid, I always worry alot of the things I need to do. I am an observant of what others think of me.. Because I always want to do the right thing or I guess the right things other people think… I am always the standard as they say… but then was I happy? I guess I was but now I’m not.. I’m not happy anymore.. I have realized that other people’s thinking of the proper things to do are NOT the STANDARDS to make me happy… And now I’m letting this reality out because I don’t have any diversional activity… Doing household chores became so boring to me… I’m just at home experiencing the opposite of freedom… I just want to be with that special person yet I can’t because some people wouldnt want us to be together… bullshit they are!…. o well… so sad.. couldnt do anything am stuck here,, stuck in this misery…hmm…

wiee! am a full pledged THOMASIAN NURSE already! yihee.. I want to thank the people behind my SUCCESS.. hmm. though di cia person ciempre sa SUPREME BEING.. THANK U SUPER for all the guidance and love u gave and still giving me… With all the things I’ve been through I know I can’t do it alone without HIS help.. Sa parents ko and family sa USA.. Sa support nila espacially financially.. hahaha.. sa family ko dito sa MARIKINA sa mga kulitan times, sa tito kong panget at tita kong mother na, sa lola kong thrice ko na sinusugod sa EMERGENCY room.. musta naman Mama di pa ko RN may work experience na ko.. hahaha.. kay Tito Nhol na pauwi na.. at ciempre sa bagong part ng Family kay NAYELI-POT haha.. pati na ciempre so doggies ko na nag-aalis ng stress ko lalo na nung review days ko.. haha.. Di ko din malilimutan ang roomates ko sa UST at ang CHOIRMATES ko.. yihee.. pati classmates ko at RLE mates.. thank u din sa all-time friends ko at cousins na anjan parati para sumuporta at magbigay ng words of wisdom at ciempre ang MENTORS namin sa UST COLLEGE of NURSING.. We are really blessed to have u as our Professors and CLinical Instructors.. World Class ang galing ninyo.. hehehe.. At lalo na din kay CARLITO.. thank u so much for being my everything.. hahah.. sa lahat ng tawa at kulitan moments natin salamat.. pati sa drama moments.. =) thank u sa lahat ng ngpray for us! Congrats ulit sa lahat ng NEW NURSES!!! =) peace out!

tough days.. ahh.. souls around me are challenged, so am i.. uhm.. feedbacks were given.. some with not so good results, some with fair results.. hay.. haha… o well nothing else to do than to accept.. and do something good about it.. people around me.. some are goodm, others? hmm.. not thinking about the right words to say.. they are like bees.. buzzing around.. haha.. but i guess i have to live with it.. wherever i go, there is a conflict.. and i have to be SANE for myself to function.. if others won’t accept , understand and compromise with me then they are really idiots and hypocrites.. am tired of thinking about others welfare.. how about my well being? haha.. nana.. — tudoinks.. that’s one side of me.. the other is.. yuh.. am grateful.. at least i know some people still care and accept me.. still others are carfeul with their words and actions.. thankful i am to have them… i hope i’ll be that functional.. please..hay.. just for now.. i cant afford not to be… =) thanks to all the ears that listened, eyes that saw, and shoulers leaned on… i hope someday i’ll be the happy Cleo with the people i love and truly care for.. Buchog kasama ka dun ciempre hehe! —

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— pedrong kuba

… I cannot define what is with me right now… School is so demanding with all the pressures of the Clearance week… Damn it!! I hate the way people give rules! They are so inconsistent… Ginawa ko ng hobby ang pagpunta sa Tondo Medical Center dahil paulit ng paulit… And now I’m awake for 48 hours! I had my night call last night… aaahhh… Badtrip talaga.. Then now, iibahin na naman nila ang rulings… grabe nakakainis na talaga… haaay.. I am like a floating bubble… grabe pati ung taong importante sa buhay ko hindi ko na mahanap kung asa an… grabe!!!!!!! =(  ……. happy birthday pala sakin.. pati un di ko na naalala.. haay.. cleo monique!! cleo monique!! cleo monique!! mixed up na naman ang buhay mo.. ano ng gagawin mo? waaah…. =(   

How true it can be? Today you’re friends tomorrow you’re enemies… Today he/she is there, tomorrow he/she is gone… That’s how life is…We may ask ourselves over and over again the question WHY and WHY not? ! Why like this and that? We regret most of the time and question ourselves why did we and did not…We become confused… Because there are a lot of answers to our queries… Why is the Human Mind like that? It make us worry all the time. It make us think all the time… And sadly, it is only one’s own MIND that is working… not HIS or HERS.. We cannot find answer to our questions if we are the only one asking and answering our queries.. It’s like battling with yourself… It’s like talking against a wall…It is simply guessing…People make and break you.. Really it’s true… At times, they make you believe everything is okay… They make you believe they are well.. And it’s up to you to discover if they are just deceiving you… You get angry… So angry… And you forget to think why did they do that? You’re MIND is not doing its use… The only present here are EMOTIONS… EMOTIONS that will CLOUD your thinking… EMOTIONS that will mask your sanity… EMOTIONS that will hurt you and eventually break you…

– so much things I want to say, so much things I want to prove, so much reasons I want to know, but there are no opportunities at all…

LESSON: Never ever judge a person, until you know the rightful reasons for his/her behavior….

– i hope to have the kindest me in accepting and dealing with realities I did not ever hoped for..

– i hope to have enough strength to face present circumstances..

– Thank you very much to all the people who was and is very supportive of me…

la, la, la, la… so what would I say… I feel so dehydrated… Dehydrated… Dehydrated… Dehydrated… Dehydrated… Dehydrated… Dehydrated… Dehydrated…
Things happen unexpectedly… and I hate the way I feel…
I feel so dumb and useless thinking what have I done wrong..Am i not enough?… Why did I not feel there is something wrong?…Am I too insensitive?… Why..Why..Why.. Too many queries with only limited replies and explanations… I’m trying to comprehend everything… and end up hurting and blaming myself… I’m trying to reach out and end up rejected… I’m trying to wait and wait till he’s ready… Oh my…Why is this happening to me? I felt so good and so complete, but I was deceived… How about him? I thought he is okay… I love him dearly and thought it was enough… I’m hoping that he’ll be able to open his heart… and give me a a little piece of hope, of chance…I’m hoping that he’ll be able to realize my being, my presence in his life… really shocked I was… I’m having mixed emotions… but still hopeful, hopeful he’ll let me be sane…. again….. =(

Hello! It’s been a while since I made my entry  .. I already forgot my last entry with my thoughts.. The last entry I had were the 2 lyrics of the songs that are special to me..Now, I dont know what to say.. I dont know.. I just dont know… ow well.. Next week, Ill be celebrating my 20th birthday.. Will I be happy on that day?… ow well.. i hope matapos na ang clearance at kung anu ano pa.. my gehd.. hmm…sana lang talga.. hay…